"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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