I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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