Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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