if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
