Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
