do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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