neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
