her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
