I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
