Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
