I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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