I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
