I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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