if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
