Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
