Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
