The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
