Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
