If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
