yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize