Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
