I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
