dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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