Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I would ride that face into the sunset
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
