the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
