its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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