we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
