New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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