You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
