he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
