He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
