The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
