he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
