Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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