wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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