theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
