just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
