He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
