Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
