How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I need a beard to bite.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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