Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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