Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
