Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
