is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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