More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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