the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
