Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
