You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
