He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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