dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
