you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize