I just saw a hot homeless man
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
