I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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