i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
