Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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