I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
