I didn't shave. On purpose
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
