Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Success! We fucked roommates!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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