Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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