My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
