my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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