What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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