i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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