he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
