i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
