So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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